Reviews

500 Finger Fillet review

Nobody is making you do this
By Jay Castello
A hand, strapped to a table, a knife hovering above it, a glow-eyed bear staring menacingly on the other side of the table.
Is this knife about to hit table or flesh? Are you sure?

My hand is splayed on the table, held at the wrist by a contraption showing a glowing green number. This number counts the amount of times I need to press a button to make a machine holding a knife stab hopefully between, but possibly into, my fingers, before I get to choose a delicious roguelike upgrade to help me for the rest of my run. The blade wavers between flesh and wood. Time is running out. If I hit my finger, there’s a chance I’ll sever it completely. This can be a good thing; it’ll trigger the bonuses on some of the rings I’ve bought and it makes the rest of the stabs easier. But I’ve already lost three fingers and the blood loss is becoming untenable.

Ursa, the bear-masked, arm-bodied woman watching the whole affair, asks an important question: Are you having fun?

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Reviews / 500 Finger Fillet / Heather Flowers
Jay Castello

Jay Castello

Jay Castello is a freelance writer, editor, and podcast host based in Sheffield, UK. If they're not down a research rabbit hole you'll probably find them taking bad photographs near a riverbank or old tree, but you can also try Bluesky.