Jank Mail - Numbers, crunching
This week in PC gaming
Another week in the PC gaming mines and oh, such wonders it has produced. Nic Ruben wrote an ode to parrying in general and its delivery in Onimusha in particular.
At their best, nailing a string of parries and ripostes feels like performing Swan Lake while winning a rap battle against god. At their worst, they're the design equivalent of blending a bag of spinach into sugary pasta sauce so fussy toddlers don't realise they're eating quicktime event.
Graham spoke to the people who put Spelunky 1 in Spelunky 2 to create a new, still more powerful Spelunky. This is very important to people like us who have spent hundreds of hours in each game.
Spelunky 2's World 1, by comparison, feels designed for the player. "Spelunky 2 essentially did away with level feelings and moved its extended content into dedicated areas you can visit by taking branching paths, which ends up trading variation for player choice," says SNF. One of those choices happens at the end of World 1 after you fight a mini boss. You can decide whether to go left or right to determine what kind of World 2 you get, but
What you could play this weekend
And what we're playing
September always bring an avalanche of game releases, but I'm told that this September is even more of a whiteout than normal. Honestly? You wouldn't know it to look at the PC release calendar, where the month looks exactly as blizzardy as it always does, and pretty much as snow-packed as every other month. I think I maybe just care about different games.
Here are three of this month's releases that you could be playing this weekend. Tell us what you are playing in the comments.
Moonlighter 2: The Endless Vault
Moonlighter has a wonderfully straightforward premise: go dungeon delving for treasure at night, then sell that treasure in your shop during the day. It was partly responsible for popularising what's become a genre, and this sequel with fully 3D environments has now hit 1.0 after a little less than a year in Early Access. I hate the subtitle, but don't hold that against it.
[Disclosure from Brendy: I worked on this game's story in its earliest stages - Graham forgot to say. But as far as I can tell they didn't use a damned word! So if there are zero jokes
Total Playtime: Subpoena the Teenage Snitch
Cyberleek and a German week
Total Playtime is the official Jank podcast, funded entirely by our paying subscribers (and formerly our backers on Patreon). This week’s episode is free, but subscribers get additional episodes every other week. You may join them by subscribing here, and you can find all previous episodes here.
For the first time in a while all four of us could make this recording, and it's a free-to-all news episode to boot. This meant we had to address the twin issues of Gamescom and an abundance of GTA 6 footage, both from vegetable-themed hackers and latterly Rockstar themselves via an extended preview on Netflix. The former is a much more interesting discussion point, although not particularly impressive unless it later transpires it was the previous GTA hacker doing it with even less technology this time.
I am also able to share some limited insights from Gamescom, although not all that much because I only saw three games and one of them I can't write about. Please support Jank so that we have enough money to send Brendy next year and have him report on all the very weirdest games on the different international stages.
These folks put Spelunky (1) in Spelunky (2) so you can Spelunky (1) while you Spelunky (2)
HDMod sends you back to the worlds of the original Spelunky with all the polish of the sequel
Spelunky 1 is the best game ever made. I prefer its pacing, difficulty, and variety to its sequel. And yet if I was to recommend one of these games to a new player, I would find it difficult to advocate for the original. Spelunky 2, released eight years later (and twelve years after the original freeware version), has better player movement, better art, and a dozen small design changes that make it a smoother experience. Spelunky 1 is the better game - the best game! - but it feels old by comparison.
Enter the creators of the HDMod for Spelunky 2, which recreates the original Spelunky's world generation, enemies, characters and items within the sequel. So now I can play Spelunky 1 inside Spelunky 2 and experience the best of both.
"Spelunky 2 feels like an improvement in almost every aspect," says Super Ninja Fat (SNF), one of the mod's creators, speaking to me over email. "The engine alone made many fixes, mechanic improvements and quality of life changes over the original. However, many fans like myself miss the first game's pacing and content distribution."
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A shadowy group has captured the early 2000s military sim
And they're threatening to execute it if their demands are not met
Last week I learned that if you serve in the Territorial Army, even for a short time, you get a discount to Disney World. There is some kind of insight here for a clever person to make, something about the intersection between playfighting and realfighting. Perhaps hiding under the camo of each soldier boy, with all their manoeuvres and training and trigger discipline, we are destined to find a little kid playing pew pew.
If we dip hard enough into tactical first-person military sim Dagger Directive, maybe we'll find that inner child. Its genetic material is Tomothon McClancy's Rainbow Six (1998) or maybe more accurately Rogue Spear. The aesthetic is rooted firmly in early 2000s counterterrorism shooters like Soldier Of Fortune. The cursor in the menus is a crosshair. When you quit to desktop it asks: "Do you really want to go back to being a civilian?" This game could not be more Y2K if it came on a free CD-ROM in a packet of breakfast cereal sponsored by the US Navy SEALs.
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Living In Sim is our monthly column about simulation games, and the frequently stupid misadventures they inspire.
Yet it's no boomer shooter, not exactly. The simulation elements go surprisingly hard. There are ricochet physics, shrapnel from frag grenades, ACOG scopes with adjustable ranges, and only lying prone will give you a truly steady aim. You will perish with a single hit, and enemies go down just as quick. You can either use nightvision goggles or your scope, never both. There's no HUD to speak of - no ammo counter, no health bars - and reloading a clip that's still half-full is a waste of bullets. Veteran milsimmers are free to turn the crosshair off completely in the settings, although I will not surrender this. A man must have his comforts.
The tutorial mission made me worry there was a problem with the scale in the levels. It's a long empty jaunt from the obstacle course to the firing range for seemingly no reason. Only when I played the real missions did I understand this is reflective of the whole game. Maps are expansive combat zones - snowy mountain ranges, whole towns surrounded by broad prairies, stretches of rural countryside with village after village.
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The new Onimusha has won parrying, now give it a rest
Sekiroverkill
Parrying is gaming's best and raddest adoption - a decisive and effortlessly stylish retort that serves instant, embarrassing karma to threats as diverse as lightning bolts, chainsaws, and freight trains. Press R1 to pay absolutely no respect. It's also a cheap trick that shrinks gods and monsters to the tiny space where your blades meet, reducing the shadows of colossi to whimpering bunny silhouettes. At their best, nailing a string of parries and ripostes feels like performing Swan Lake while winning a rap battle against god. At their worst, they're the design equivalent of blending a bag of spinach into sugary pasta sauce so fussy toddlers don't realise they're eating quicktime event.
I recently discovered my least favourite parry ever in Marvel's Spider-Man 2. Fights in Insomniac's Spidey games fizzle with fistly pyrotechnics so ill-suited to requiring you to anticipate incoming hands that Spidey's glowing head halo does it for you. In Spider-Man the first, you don't even have to consider danger until the same second you respond to it. This lets you focus your entire brain on what matters: doing stuff that makes you nod and go: "Oh yes. That's some shit Spider-Man would do".
But in the sequel, just knowing that a wiley thugoon might spring a parry-only punch forces a shift in priorities from "I want to do this" to "I don't want that to happen" which messes with the cadence something awful. It's so ill-fitting it feels like it emerged from a focus group, run by and consisting entirely of suits, each of them focused on suit-dazzling the other suits with the suitiest suggestions possible.
This is how so much of parrying feels to me now. It's Chris Pratt. It's Timbly Charmander. It's 20g of added bison protein in an 18g Chocolate Hobnob. I used to crackle with glee at clinching a "not today, fucko" against Ray's clanging mechasnout in Metal Gear Rising. Now I long for a game brave enough to snap my sword in half forever if I'm stupid enough to think I can deflect even a swerving bumper butt from a medium-velocity rat ambulance.
Onimusha: Way Of The Sword is not that game. It has five different varieties of not-today-fuckos you can use during a day in the life of true Edo period geezer Miyamoto Musashi, and something like four extra fucko-be-gones. You can block, dodge, super dodge, parry, and deflect, which is basically a parry with extra steps. Dodging fills an execution gauge, and parrying fills a gauge that engulfs your sword in crackling anti-fucko energy.
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The Lie-In
Links worth clicking
Good morning, videogames. Jonty and I have both been away this past week on separate work trips, leaving Brendy to operate the cranks, winches and pulleys of Jank alone. And didn't he do well? Jonty handled the summary in yesterday's Jank Mail, so I'll just add my thanks to Brendy's newborn for leaving his father with just enough mental capacity to play a multiplayer game. Astonishing. Let's round up some games writing from across the past week.
I remember when the "gamer bill of rights" was a serious proposition from a handful of developers and digital storefronts. Mothership asked a group of people to pitch ideas for what such a document might contain, tongue closer to cheek.
The right not to play a game
Just because "everyone" loves a game or it wins a bunch of awards or someone tells you that you "have" to play it does not mean you do in fact have to play it. You are no less of a "real gamer" just because you have not played a certain game. There are thousands of games that have been released over decades on a variety of platforms, which come with many
Jank mail: Netflix and kill
This week in PC gaming
It has been a very long week in videogames, between the hundreds of games and conversations about them at Gamescom, and the single billion-dollar game that Rockstar chose to finally show off in the middle of it. As an independent media outlet we didn’t cover either of those things, though, and that’s partially a matter of free-thinking principle and also because Graham and I were both away for work so Brendy had to hold the fort. He did a grand job though, starting with taxi reports from Hell Let Loose: Vietnam.
Even for seasoned FPS players, it's easy to look at games like Hell Let Loose: Vietnam and dismiss them as a sweaty Call Of Duty for people who take a deathmatch too seriously. It's even easier to reject it for the social discomfort of having to actually talk to strangers over the internet. But this is something I love about multiplayer war 'em ups - the small, temporary friendships you forge in hellish circumstances, the micropals you make during a big push or a desperate last stand. The medic who follows you everywhere. The squad leader who says "good fuckin job boys!" when
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