I want more backstabs in Slay The Spire 2's co-op mode

When you come across a treasure chest in Slay The Spire 2, it pops open with the goody-bestowing effervescence of a piñata, a relic appears, and life is good. But what if two relics appeared? What if, as you extended your pointy-fingered hand to grab 'em, a second slinky arm came jutting into view to poke you and contest your choice. It is your brother's arm, and he has selected the same shiny trinket you would like. The hands shake violently and a showdown begins. In the deepest, dankest dungeons of this surreal realm, there is only one way to settle this. 

You do rock, paper, scissors. 

I've already praised the additive joys of Slay The Spire 2 - its fancy boss fights, tricksy minibosses, and the new doom-fuelled reaper character all please me greatly. Like me, you will be forgiven for shrugging off the sequel as a kind of roid embiggened remake, as if mere iteration is not a satisfactory approach for the godfather of all the card-based commupance we've endured for the last decade. It is good. And it has one more Strike up its sleeve: co-op card-slinging. A multiplayer crawl through even beefier enemies which turns it into a beautiful kind of dweeby teambuilding exercise for all your sickos-in-arms.

I did not know how it was going to manage this until I saw it in action. I am told the board game (there's a Slay The Spire board game??) laid the groundwork for the basic rules that make the thing flow and function. Basically, all the enemies are now stronger, beefier, hurtier. And each fight sees you and your friends flip-flooping your cards out in any order youse like. I could use all my energy up on cowardly defensive guards before you even commit to a single bash. Or we could, ideally, consult one another for clever combos.

Some special co-op cards appear, like a "tag team" one that lets your pals attack twice. There are cards that let you throw yourself in front of your ally and take the hit for them. Others that increase your mates' strength. At one point, my brother summoned a second skeletal hand of his own to match my horrible mascot. Yet I am forlornly waiting to discover the ultimate betrayal card that lets you do damage equal to the health of one of your friends, at the expense of killing said companion stone dead. I do not know if this exists; if not, it must surely be invented.

A little spikey spikey during any co-op game is fun, after all. That's why I like the rock, paper, scissors game that plays out whenever you and a friend clamour for the same relic in the downtime between fights (even if it is just a speedy randomised bout you have no control over). Other along-the-road events aren't as competitive - sometimes all players get offered the same type of rewards and risks. Sometimes you'll each see a different choice of gifts 'n' curses.  

But at least you can all draw dicks on the map.

Teaming up doesn't necessarily make things easier. At least, it doesn't when my bro and I go on our two-player jaunts up the spire. Since the health bars of your enemies also multiply, it makes the tandem trickshots more important to get right. In singlespire you wrestle with a deck of violence to bring it under control and try to find a sensible coherence and strategy from random noise. In doublespire you have to do this in sync with a friend or family member whose deck you don't always pay attention to, and who is presumably performing the same due diligence as yourself, but at any moment might reveal they are playing the "just pile on Doom and never attack meta". 

Imagine having a whole deck of wildcards who may or may not listen to you and at any time may just play all their guards in a blitz of selfishness, then go promptly to sleep. In the above example, this is me. I am the one who does whatever the hell he likes. Yes, it might be smarter to combine the toxin-building slices of The Silent with the doom-afflicting staredowns of The Necrobinder, so that the colourful ill-effects seep into the middle of the enemy's health bar and dissolve it from within. But is it not also a good strategy to use all my energy clearing my hand of slime cards because I simply don't like them? Don't try to contain me, bro. I just don't slay that way. 

I have no idea what kind of chaos you can sow with four players, but I hope to find out. I hope also that the designers lean even further into backstabby territory. At rest stops, you can "mend" an ally, using your turn to heal them up. Instead, let me curse them by discarding ten random cards of unwanted shite into everyone else's deck. Let me pick up and throw my team mates at the boss like a sack of yams. Let me slay that bloody spire, at the expense of everyone I know and love.