Total Playtime: Game-Themed 2026 Wellness Teams For Great Prosperity
Total Playtime is a Patreon-supported podcast about videogames, hosted by Alice Bell, Jon Hicks, Brendan Caldwell and Nate Crowley. Jank has partnered with them and we'll be posting new episodes each week.
This week's episode is a Premium instalment for paying subscribers, which means we can abandon our already tenuous grasp on current events and succumb to the intoxication of high concept. This week: as the world lurches into self-improvement at the start of the year, which videogame characters would we choose to coach us into living better?
You can see the picks of Brendy, Nate and myself below, and you can listen to the episode to hear our reasoning. Alice was away this week, but wished to make clear that she considered our answers poorly- thought-out and also that her choices would be Aloy off of Horizon Zero Dawn, Officer Dooley from The Darkside Detective, and that posh one off of Final Fantasy XV.
Fitness
Jonty: Ezio from Assassn's Creed
Brendy: Kiryu Kazuma from Yakuza
Nate: Schelemeus from Hades II
Motivation
Jonty: Skelly off from Hades
Brendy: Little Lion from Skin Deep GLaDOS from Portal
Nate: The Advisor from Total War Warhammer 3
Diet
Jonty: Agent 47 from Hitman
Brendy: The Meowscular Chef from Monster Hunter: World
Nate: Bancho from Dave The Diver
BONUS: Brendy wants Swansea from Mouthwashing as his sponsor, Nate would have Harry Kim from Disco Elysium, and Jonty would have Jackie from Cyberpunk 2077
Recommendations this week are Folding Ideas' video on the Jarhead sequels, the movie Hamnet, and Perdido Street Station by China Miéville.
Music by God Ribbon, and art by Marsh Davies.
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