The Xenomorph vs Octodad
Welcome to season one of Character Select. How many seasons will there be? That's for me to know and you to never find out.
Last week we introduced the concept of this gladiatorial column, so if you missed that go brush up and see who came out victorious in the debut brawl between the harried cop from Disco Elysium and gruff-voiced policerogue Max Payne. This time, we are going full asymmetry by pitting a ferocious and terrifying extraterrestrial creature against an ordinary family man with nothing unusual about him whatsoever. I never said this would be fair.
It's now or it is never now. Select your character!
The case for the Xenomorph
Well, its structural perfection is matched only by its hostility, for one thing. It also has acid for blood, two sets of jaws, and a razor sharp tail almost as hazardous as that little bit of plastic left behind when you tear the bottle lid off a European Pepsi. Life-threatening. The xenomorph seems to sleep a lot, like a cat, but it is also in a permanent bad mood, like a cat. If I ever meet a xenomorph, I will auto-expire on the spot to save everyone