Stardew Valley vs The Flood
Welcome to season one of Character Select. How many seasons will there be? This question will never be satisfactorily answered.
It's likely many of your beloved friends will die in this episode of Character Select, but don't worry. Because they'll come back as horrible bloated infectomorphs with an aggressive desire for violence and no concern for their own bodily well-being. Yay! How will Stardew Valley's farmers fare when facing off against the unflappable parasitic alien species of the Halo series? I cannot in good conscience put my money on anyone but Pam. However, one thing is clear: whoever loses, every member of the Jank audience wins. It's now or it is never now. Select your character!
The case for the Flood
The Flood's figurehead is a giant Audrey II lookalike who speaks in trochaic heptameter. It doesn't do this in some effort to communicate more effectively with humanity. It just likes poetic verse. Also it wants to eat you and everyone you know. The Flood have been so tenacious as a galactic infection that many past civilisations concluded the only solution is mass suicide. The average zomboflood is dextrous enough to use a rocket launcher and leap thirty meters until