Total Playtime: A Visual Taxonomy of Gollums

Total Playtime is the official Jank podcast, funded entirely by our paying subscribers. This week’s episode is free, but subscribers get additional episodes every other week. You may join them by subscribing here, and you can find all previous episodes here.  

I was away this week, but Nate's back! He has returned from a long sojurn in Switzerland, poor in cheese but rich in life experience, which was immediately put to use judging the news of the week alongside Alice and Brendy.

This includes the Nvidia CEO's affair with an alleged Chinese spy (since recording the number of affairs has threatened to grow exponentially) the latest marketing nonsense for GTA 6, the functional irrelevance of reviewing GTA 6 and a weary response to the new Elder Scrolls trailer. Plus: the best nationality to eat £40 worth of Gruyère in 24 hours, a 1-of-1 painting of a contemplative aubergine, an escalating series of feuds with coked-up cat lords.

Thanks to Marsh Davies for our artwork, God Ribbon for our music and Alix Attenborough for our editing. Send comments, feedback and additional suggestions for Gollum classification to totalplaytimepod@gmail.com. Subscribe to Jank and you'll get a bonus episode of the podcast every other week and access to the Discord, giving you advance insights into Brendy's Lord of the Rings blasphemies before they appear in an episode.

Links!
This is the H3H3 drama. Nvidia's Jensen Huang admitted to cheating on his wife with Alice Huang (no relation), who is probably a Chinese spy. He subsequently admitted to another affair and was fired shortly before a third affair hit the discourse. Nvidia's stock had a bad time but the AI bubble hasn't burst yet, sorry Alice. Selfridges did a GTAVI takeover and is selling jackets for £2.5k. Xbox released a console inside an alligator. The game will debut the new Justice album has already sold $750 million in preorders. Here is RPS's Cyberpunk 2077 review. The next Elder Scrolls is 'Sentinel', which PCGamer called like three months ago. The first Skyrim trailer was way better.

Games!
GTA 6 is not yet announced for PC. Cyberpunk 2077. Skyrim.

Recommendations!
The Rise of the Rockstar Chef, Shatner Of The Mount by Fall On Your Sword and Meat Glue.