Total Playtime Premium Episode

Total Playtime is the official Jank podcast, and is produced thanks to the support of our paying subscribers (and formerly our backers on Patreon). This week's episode is exclusive to paying subscribers: you may join them by subscribing here, which will grant access to every episode since launch. 

A special subscriber episode this week, as Nate became fascinated by the inexplicable Xbox partnership with McDonalds and insisted that we sample it, only to be thwarted at the last minute by his local branch running out of Master Chief-branded McNuggets. Thus: an episode in which Brendy and I are both in the grip of early-onset post-McDonalds regret while Nate sits giddily excited while his wife treks across the West Midlands looking for a branch that still has them in stock. 

Will she succeed before we finish recording? Does any of this stuff qualify as “food” as recognised by any scientific authority? And do any of them earn anything approximating a recommendation? Listen in to find out. 

Total Playtime is the official Jank podcast, and is produced thanks to the support of our paying subscribers (and formerly our backers on Patreon). This week's episode is exclusive to paying subscribers: you may join them by subscribing here, which will grant access to every episode since launch.

This week’s episode is another gameshow special, with the return of our old nemesis Games Satan. He has dragged us down to the plains of Hades (Alice is calling in from the Field of Reeds according to established Total Playtime canon) to pitch cursed game ideas. The person with the best pitch may escape from hell, but we have a fixed budget: a mere fifteen Hell dollars, which must be spent on one choice from each of the following categories:

Theme

• $5: Total free choice
• $4: Medieval fantasy, International Sports, Neo-Noir, Pirates; Victoriana
• $3: Pigs, Lunch, Podcast for Binmen, Pharmaceutical Marketing, Falklands War
• $2: US tax system, Enoch Powell, Shouting at animals, Cigarettes, Your own deepest insecurities IRL
• $1: Mr Beast Beef Lumps, Obese Snakes (horny), “Formula Gun”, Famous Ronalds, Bronchitis (non-derogatory)

Visuals

• $5: Photorealistic, 8K, ray tracing, etc etc - basically indistinguishable from reality
• $4: tastefully stylized 3D animation in any style of your choosing, but the artist has done very little to conceal their thumb fetish
• $3: Crisp, indie darling 16 colour pixel art, but only visible if the player is wearing a proprietary 5kg iron visor
• $2: Charming hand-drawn crayon sketches with occasional swerves into shocking tableaus of screaming skeletons and gore
• $1: pure dark crimson on black text-based interface with migraine-inducing flickers