Jank (Page 3)

25 May 2026 By Graham Smith Feature

Tinkering with games is as good as playing them

Computer is my hobby

Our first home computer was an Amstrad CPC 464. My Dad bought it and used it for, among other things, building a database of all the films he had recorded on VHS tapes. He's a Western buff and he'd spend weekends pecking in details of which tape had which film, and since multiple tapes had multiple films, how far you had to fast forward to find the one you wanted. I didn't understand this at the time, as I was only a few years old. My brothers and I used the Amstrad for playing games - or for trying, anyway, and then for learning patience when the cassette tape failed to load for the third time. Why would you want to spend your time with the computer updating a database when you could be playing games?

Now I know better. Now I know that videogames are just one avenue through which you can tinker with the computer.

In retrospect, my tinkering started early, when I realised that drawing Worms levels in DeluxePaint on the Amiga and then importing the bitmaps in-game was more fun than playing Worms itself. When we got a PC in the mid-90s,

24 May 2026 By Graham Smith Feature

The Lie-In

Links to games writing from the past week

Good morning, videogames. A heatwave has struck the UK this weekend, a country where all the buildings are designed to retain heat. Unfortunately I must remain indoors, because my skin is designed the same way. Let's take a sweaty, sunburnt look at some writing about videogames from across the week.

Over at Remap Radio, Dia Lacina took on the unenviable task of reviewing ZA/UM's new game, Zero Parades: For Dead Spies.

We learn in the opening minutes of Zero Parades that CASCADE is the only agent to return from a job gone bad, and now she's warehoused in a filing cabinet-gulag for failed spies called "The Freezer." This is where you stew in self-accusatory depression, spending your days drowning under paperwork while you hold trauma's finger and point it right at yourself. This is spy hell.

The scandal-soaked rat kings over at the Jank spiritual predecessor didn't manage a full review of Zero Parades (unlike us), but Edwin Evans-Thirlwell did deign to bring his takes-one-to-know-one expertise to explaining why ZA/UM's latest is "both bootleg Disco Elysium and a spirited interrogation of fake culture in

23 May 2026 By Jon Hicks

Jank Mail: A dread Embrace

This week in PC gaming

This week on Jank, Graham used The Lie-In to get in one more round of Mixtape discourse, which is now over and need never be spoken of again. The first Disco Elysium sequel came out and Nic reviewed it. Titanium Court came out already but Alice has reviewed it now, so it’s official. Both reviews are qualified endorsements, which are secretly the best kind of endorsement.

On Total Playtime, we came up with the worst merch ideas we could think of and made the mistake of inviting suggestions on the topic, so now I have people emailing me about Disco Elysium Funko Pops. This week’s Character Select pitted Stardew Valley against The Flood, which paired nicely with our definitive judgement of the best grenade in videogames.

Outside these ruthlessly uncommercial walls, a new financial year has dawned so the publishers are all announcing what happened in the last one. Take-Two did great because people love NBA and spending money in GTA Online, Ubisoft did badly because that’s just what it does these days and Embracer did badly because of everything it’s ever done since its inception. It’s going to solve this

23 May 2026 By Jon Hicks Podcast

Total Playtime: The Ides of Merch

Scenes from a giga-expo outside time and space

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22 May 2026 By Graham Smith What We're Playing

What you could play this weekend

Three games, including one demo, for this long British weekend

The great secret of 'what we're playing [in the coming days]' articles is that they're full of lies. No one, certainly no games journalist, knows on a Friday what they're going to feel like playing on a Saturday or Sunday - if they're even going to play anything at all after a long week's graft. That's why Jank delivers you not what we are playing, only what we could or should. These are articles of pure potentiality.

You, though, can be trusted to tell us what you are playing in the comments below.

A tinkertoy-style four-storey building, in primary colours, some rooms visible inside. — Every Amanita Design game is different in genre but not in values.

Phonopolis

Is any independent game developer as quietly and consistently excellent as Amanita Design? I remember first writing about them when Samorost was but a twinkle in your browser window, and since then they've been stylish, inventive and unmistakably themselves across Machinarium, Botanicula, Chuchel, Happy Game, Creaks, Pilgrims and more. Phonopolis is their latest. What more would you need to know?

Some sort of spiked, flame-turtle is struck by Elliot in a lava arena. — I don't care if he's made out of lava, I don't want to kill something that looks this happy.

The Adventures Of Elliot: The Millennium

21 May 2026 By Alice Bell Reviews

Titanium Court review

Methought I was enamoured of an ass

You've probably already heard of Titanium Court, this season's indie game for people who very loudly say they love indie games. But hey: I love indie games! And Titanium Court is the most IGF Award-winningest game, too. This despite - or perhaps because - it defies easy explanation. Here goes.

Titanium Court is a metafictional roguelite match-3 strategy RPG. It uses 2D pixel art and has a minimalist colour palette that would be at home on the same sweet shelf as Wham bars and Refreshers. It is most obviously inspired by the Shakespeare play A Midsummer Night's Dream, but there are a lot of other influences (there's a small, very specific thing that reminds me of something from Clive Barker's short stories).

Because of all that it is very good, but also a tiny bit obnoxious at times. If Titanium Court were a person I would go to its Edinburgh Fringe show, but not invite it to my wedding.

In fairness, if you're going to be meta, Shakespeare isn't a bad shout at all. His plays are often bookended by a guy coming out and saying "Here's what you're going to

20 May 2026 By Brendan Caldwell Character Select

Stardew Valley vs The Flood

Let endless battle persist

Welcome to season one of Character Select. How many seasons will there be? This question will never be satisfactorily answered.

It's likely many of your beloved friends will die in this episode of Character Select, but don't worry. Because they'll come back as horrible bloated infectomorphs with an aggressive desire for violence and no concern for their own bodily well-being. Yay! How will Stardew Valley's farmers fare when facing off against the unflappable parasitic alien species of the Halo series? I cannot in good conscience put my money on anyone but Pam. However, one thing is clear: whoever loses, every member of the Jank audience wins. It's now or it is never now. Select your character!

The case for the Flood

The Flood's figurehead is a giant Audrey II lookalike who speaks in trochaic heptameter. It doesn't do this in some effort to communicate more effectively with humanity. It just likes poetic verse. Also it wants to eat you and everyone you know. The Flood have been so tenacious as a galactic infection that many past civilisations concluded the only solution is mass suicide. The average zomboflood is dextrous enough to use

19 May 2026 By Jeremy Peel Bits

Grenades never got better than in Halo: Combat Evolved

Hot potato? Don’t mind if I do

When I heard that grenade-spamming was becoming a dominant strategy in Marathon, I was shocked. Mainly because, for the first 50 hours or so in Bungie’s extraction shooter, I’d forgotten to use grenades at all. In a desperate situation, I’m much more likely to reach for the stick that shoots death - the one that’s onscreen at all times. Grenades are relegated to bumper buttons and distinguished by icons I haven’t bothered to learn. Let them sit in their inventory and listen to muffled gunfire.

But it wasn’t always thus. Halo: Combat Evolved was born in a time before aim-down-sights. Which means, when I play it on the Steam Deck, the whole length of the left trigger is given over to grenades. Even when I plonk the machine down on the couch to go grab a drink, there’s a reasonable chance I’ll accidentally throw a hot potato. That’s just how easily accessible grenades are on the ringworld.

They’re also a highly visible part of Halo’s combat sandbox. When I get the jump on an Elite, and the lanky alien goes down with a growl of anguish, a